Tuesday, 4 December 2012

Live Healthier lifestyles - OR ELSE !

Satirically reporting, word has reached the 'Royal Ears' that The Welsh Government is going to attempt to introduce legislation to force us to become healthier.  Yes, I know, 1984 was nearly three decades ago, but Orwell's predictions don't seem far off the mark if this unconfirmed intelligence is true. Today, we have heard that the 'Opt out' scheme of Organ Donations, is approved and will take immediate effect.  Hardly surpising really, as the NHS thinks we'll all be forced to give up our organs, simply because we are ( collectively ) too stupid to realise that we will be able to opt out by saying 'NO !'  Rumours abound that the highest rated person, ideally suited for organ donations is........our beloved Health Minister Leslie Griffiths, whom it is further rumoured is to be part of a Cabinet reshuffle that will include the creation of a new Ministry [ Nope, nothing to do with the Richard recommendations, more to do with necessity ]. 

One scurrilous rumour-monger was heard to say that, in future, the only time that Leslie Griffiths will open her mouth will be to change feet !  Hence ( so the rumour continues ), the dear lady has reached her political summit by being appointed to this new Ministry, to be called The Ministry for Population Reduction, or simply the MPR.  This bold move comes after reports are apparently received from every conceivable consultee ( including Marcus 'I didn't do it, Guv' Longley ) - all concluding that cuts to vital health services over the past decade, have failed to achieve their target of minimal citizen usage ! 

The inevitable result of this inexcusable failure, is that some citizens in our growing population seem to be hell-bent on keeping the health service working, thus burdening our 'Tea Party' with continuing healthcare costs, albeit greatly reduced already. These right-wing-neocons have, therefore, chosen to utilise their supreme powers by introducing legislation ( in Welsh only ) to force us to; eat much less, excercise by order, and to reduce breeding as a result of unlicensed, unprotected sexual copulations.

Weekly targets of achievement are to be set by MPR and enforced by the underemployed Welsh Language Fascists. If - after a period of public consultation by the Community Health Prevention Councils - plans are approved, rumour has it that check-posts and screening centres will be established in every town hall throughout Wales. Families of the future will consist of a maximum of three persons ( two adults and one licensed child ) who will reside in studio apartments, to be built in the new Centres of Excellence which, we are assured will be 'Fit for Purpose'.   Satirically,  R. W.

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